08 February 2003 - 1:09 pm
I donít write as well when Iím happy. I donít really have the much to bitch about anymore. I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and love spending time with. Wow Ö weíve been together for 6 months now. I do believe thatís a personal record. We have a new apartment. The trauma of my best friend moving out isnít all that traumatic anymore, now that Iíve had time to adjust. Yeah, I donít see her as much as Iíd like, and I miss being able to go into her room, crawl up next to her in her bed and watch Iron Chef, but itís nice to see us both growing up a little. Itís strange to think about. From the time I was 18 Iíve thought of myself as an adult, and itís not until now, a decade later, that Iíve begun thinking of myself as a grownup. Itís hard to be a grownup when your Inner Child is fighting tooth and nail to become an Outer Child and your best friendís Outer Child is giggling and jumping up and down and encouraging *your* Outer Child to eat paste. (ďPoor Daban. So ugly. So dumb. Why God hate you so much?Ē)
I know now I donít have to fight with my Inner Child (and he *did* return to being my Inner Child). We can occupy the same space. We can even have fun. But I canít let him run rampant, and I refuse to let him eat paste. He now sits on the Council of Voices in my head, helping me make decisions on a daily basis, along with Outer Adult, Outer Snatch, Reason, Wisdom, Compassion, and Penis.
I really want to be upset about having to travel so much for work, but itís only for these two weeks, and itís kinda nice. I get a mini-vacation and my company is paying for it.
As soon as I can get my laptop working properly Iíll update, so there will probably be a lot to read. Correction. As soon as I figure out what Iím doing wrong with my laptop Iíll update.
Itís very strange to be surrounded by the people who are supposed to be taking over your function. I came here under the assumption that they were ticketing wizards, able to handle any obstacle, and so impressive that the bigwigs decided that it would be better to move the functionality to Atlanta. But I get here and these people couldnít scratch their collective ass if they had a wild cat in each hand. OK, maybe thatís too harsh. Maybe I just expected more from the people who are doing my job now. For all that Iíve gone thru in the past 6 months, Iíd expect them to be better than me, but I doubt thatís ever going to happen. Iíve been doing this for 4 years. Theyíve been doing it for 4 weeks. Jeezus, that alone makes me weep.
Today I woke up with a cold. I canít wait to get back to Vegas.
Feel the Chi. Repulse the Monkey.
Zicam. Itís a cold remedy. Itís mainly zinc, comes in a spray bottle, and you squirt it up your nose. Now, the funky part about it is that it isnít a liquid, itís a gel. So Iím shooting something with the consistency of snot up my nose. My head hurts. It feels like a balloon.
Right before I left tonight one of the guys at work was talking to the woman I was training. He was showing her pics of his cat and his dog and his boyfriend. She was saying how much she hates cats. He mentioned that the plant that he stole from work was dead Ė the cat peed in it. He said that now he puts pine cones in the planters to keep the cat from peeing in them. He said it works. ďWhen he squats he gets a little prick in his ass.Ē And I replied, ďI hate when that happens.Ē
ďOh no. I see. A spiderweb is tangled up with me. And I lost my head. I thought of all the stupid things Iíve said. Oh no, whatís this? A spiderweb and Iím caught in the middle. So I turn to run. And thought of all the stupid things Iíd done. And I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you wrong. And if I ever caused you trouble. Oh no I never meant to do you harm. Oh no I see. A spider web and itís me in the middle. So Iíll twist and turn. But here am I a man in a bubble. Singing I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you wrong. And if I ever caused you trouble. Oh no I never meant to do you harm. They spun a web for me. They spun a web for me. They spun a web for me.Ē