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08 October 2002 - 9:41 pm

Today was not a good day at work. It seems I'm being looked on as someone who's less than enthusiastic. This may have some bearing on whether I get another position after they close my department. Oh, and I'm not helpful. It seems that most everybody thinks that we're a support area for the rest of the company. We're not. We issue tickets. So I politely guided a supervisor to seek assistance with the people that could help her: the help desk. She walked away and another supervisor from her department came over and asked me for the same help the first supervisor did. This one had their manager in tow. I responded the same way, that she needed to take her request to the help desk and they'd be more than happy to help her. They walked away. Now it's said that I refused to help a manager. He asked for help and I told him No. What I want to know is, what the fuck are they gonna do when our department isn't there anymore?

I started writing a letter of resignation tonight. I'd gotten a few lines into it when I realized it sounded like a suicide note. I sat at my desk and cried, because for the first time in my life that seemed like an option. Work used to be my anchor ... the one stable place I had.

I don't feel strong anymore.

The pain doesn't go away. It leaves for a while, but comes back wearing a different mask.

There's only one bright spot in my life right now, and I don't know if he's bright enought to keep the darkness from swallowing me whole.


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