18 April 2003 - 1:38 pm
"I miss being high." I had that thought last night, and then had to ask myself what, exactly, I miss about it. I miss feeling separate from my body ... bigger than myself. I miss feeling connected with everyone in the room. I miss sucking on Blowpops so my jaw will hurt less the next day. I miss how wonderful water feels, whether I'm drinking it, or dripping it on my face. I miss dancing for hours. I miss smoking cloves.
So why did I stop if it's something I miss doing so much? Because I'm sure it's at least half the reason why I've got mental issues now, and as much as I miss being high, I don't miss coming down. I don't miss being depressed for days afterwards. I don't miss feeling like shit the next day.