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07 September 2003 - 8:51 am

My company switched insurance providers, so I had to find a new primary care physician. This blows. Well, not so much anymore, cuz I found a new one. And I'm learning that I need to do more research when choosing a doctor. My new doctor is female, tall, blonde, and has those big, blue, "Precious Moments" eyes. I really want to like her but she laughs too much. And repeats herself. And she has a tendency to let her comments trail off without making a point.
Well, I had my first appointment with her the other day, and we decided to do full bloodwork. Thank the Gods the nurses I got had a sense of humor. When they called me in they said, "Well I guess we don't have to ask if you have a problem with needles." This is funny because I have many tattoos and piercings. So one of them starts drawing blood while the other one talks about how she's too chicken to get her tongue pierced, and I take a look at my arm to see how well I'm draining and the nurse says, "It's flowing good, but it's a small needle so it may take a while." I turn my attention back to the other nurse, who's now telling me about how her husband got both his nipples pierced one night when they'd gone out and drank too much.
I was starting to get bored so I said, "Jeezus, am I empty yet?" To which she replied, "No. There's usually a slurping sound when we empty you out." HA. I love her. So the vials are filled and she takes them to label them, and I sit with a little cotton ball pressed into the crook of my elbow and I'm reading the signs they have posted around the office. The nurse hands me a handy-wipe and a platic jar. "Wash the penis with this, and fill this up half-way." I look confused, and thrust the wetnap forward and say, "I wash with this one, right?" She leads me to the bathroom, where there's a gray metal cabinet in the wall that opens on the other side into the office. "Urine goes in the gray cabinet." "Do you want me to put it in the cup first?" She's thoughtful, then says "That would probably be best." So I fill up the cup, put it in the Magic Cabinet, and go get my prescriptions. Hello, Prescriptions! OH, and I'm also getting set up in a sleep study to see if I have sleep apnea, which could be contributing to my depression, anxiety, and ADD. I'll let you know how that goes.


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