09 February 2005 - 9:05 pm
Today was a bad day. Yesterday was bad, too, but bad in a different way. Yesterday at work I was fine until about 9am, and then my focus went out the window. I struggled through until about 12:30, then went to my supervisor and told her I needed something else to do, preferably something with a lot of walking or heavy lifting. I was shaking and I couldn't sit still. So she had me clean up an alcove at the back of the office that had a shitload of boxes.
Today was the exact opposite. No energy, no motivation, didn't wanna leave the house, didn't wanna talk to anyone, didn't wanna see anyone.
Now here's the disturbing part: Greg's sister is Bipolar, and a while ago Greg had asked me if I'd been diagnosed because I did a lot of the same things she did. At the time I was like, "Pfft. NO." But then, I used to act the same way when I'd see a commercial for Zoloft. "Wow, that's gotta suck, going thru depression and shit like that. Glad *I* don't have to deal with *that*." So now I'm taking a look at what I'm doing and I have to admit that I do have some of the symptoms. I took a quiz and got a 41, which is "Moderate/severe mania" which means that I fit the symptoms of Bipolar I, Most Recent Episode Manic. This doesn't mean that I think I have it, just that I think it's possible ... I'll let the trained professionals decide if I'm crazy or not. Though it would explain why all the meds I've taken haven't been able to get me off the couch. So I'm making an appointment with a new shrink, and we'll see what happens.
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